feeling remotely depressed lately. my grades are all failing my expectations and i feel quite demoralized to the extent i sorta gave up on homework... it's like the effort i try to put in for some subjects just don't turn out right.

anyway, there has been so many things that have happened since february. i can't remeber them all but there's quite a few things i would like to talk about regarding how it affects my little mind (it hasn't been working properly for quite a while now).

firstly, my class: 4FONDUE!

i just can't explain in words how much i adore this class. there's always people who would give some funny remarks which would almost always make my day. but sometimes, an insult coming from this class would dampen my spirits a little, which brings about the first problem i'm having with my mind.

it's getting overly sensitive.

i feel that my thoughts are almost overridden with emotions and instincts rather than inferences and deductions. simple smiles can completely make me change my decisions in split seconds. it feels vulnerable to a certain degree but... it does feel a lot better as compared to what it was like 2 years back.

second, my class from 2 years back: KEZO

recently, i keep having flashbacks of my old class just before i sleep. i close my eyes and somehow, i see them and if i try hard enough, it almost feels as though i could touch them. and in fact, sometimes, i do. just talking about it seems kinda irrational and completely outta-this-world but i just don't get it.

i think i miss the times i had smiles with that class.

it may not be with everyone but at least there was a time when we all smiled in front of a camera in our primary school attire. somehow, the hatred towards this class has been subdued with the warmth i'm getting from FONDUE. it's just simply amazing.

i remember the times when a group of us would be asking a few questions here and there on ridiculous subject matters. i remember the "great wall of china" back in year one. i remember the times i waited for enzhi till his malay class ended. i remember playing flying fingers on calvin's phone. i remember the encouragement i received after writing a chinese idiom on the board correctly back in year two. i remember the roses ziying gave to the whole class. i remember the small container classroom where everyone wore a jacket (and my brown jacket was the infamous one). i remember the laughter of those classmates seated around me. i remember the first angel and mortal game i ever played. i remember how this class first made me more optimistic. i remember those who instilled in me such bright values.

suddenly, a lot of these things just reappear in my head. and now, all these things are so distant to me. quite a number of my old classmates are now subconsciously non-existent in my eyes. i just don't even have the decency of heart to even say hi to some of them. neither do they too.

this year, it suddenly pains me a lot.

thirdly, i think i'm trying too hard to suppress my feelings.

i have many things i want to say to certain people. but somehow, my other personality just keeps on telling me to keep them in. and this holds true even now, cos my 4th personality is telling me not to write about it. i guess i'll just heed it.

finally, back to normal posting (for now).

brought my new pet doggies, Russell and Lussell to school today. haha, so cute xD

sadly they need 320kbps music files to achieve good playback. it's too sensitive (5000Hz sensitivity). gonna bring them to school everyday and probably build a little kennel to keep them in my locker =D

had a rather hysterical k-pop session during history period. abracadabra was... *speechless* those other guy artists impersonating the female ones were also... *speechless*

well, the girls were having fun. i just switched to reading kaichou wa maid sama. just a short moment later, i was watching a proper all female group doing things normal for females (at last). i think i was more amused by the comments the girls made rather than the video. those korean artists all look the same to me. well, i did like the one with the dyed blondish hair colour (<--- blonde fetish). anyway, i just went back to the manga and xinyi was like, "... not interested." and then they had a mini discussion of what kind of girls i would probably like. "sexy? cool? cute?... if you are looking for cool girls got 2NE1..." and so on.

ah well, k-pop is just not for me (yet?).

cca was really tiring for some reason today. probably due to the lack of sleep due to all those prolonged flashbacks i've been getting.

i guess that's all i have to say for today? haha, bye.

konbanwa.